Love is an Exchange
Not a Gift
Valentine’s Day is a polished lie. We’re told it’s about a saint and rose petals, but if you dig into the history, it’s actually about a man writing letters from a prison cell to people the rest of the world had given up on. It wasn’t a Hallmark card; it was a reach for human connection sent from a place of isolation.
As a stay-at-home dad who’s walked a few hard miles, I’ve seen the side of life most people look away from. I spent years as a vagrant on the streets of Pittsburgh; cold, alone, and invisible. In those years, “fairytales” felt like something meant for other people. I’ve learned that the fairytale is real; it just doesn’t look like the movies. My own began when I reconnected with my childhood love, the girl I knew before the world got heavy. Now, sixteen years down the road with a life I never could have imagined, I realize that the “happily ever after” isn’t a stroke of luck — it’s something you earn in the quiet, difficult spaces.
If you ask any couple that’s been together for decades how they made it work, they won’t talk about the “spark” or the perfect dates. They’ll tell you about the times they were exhausted, the times they were broke, and the times they had every reason to walk away but chose to stay.
Most modern relationships struggle because we’ve fallen into a Convenience Fallacy. We’ve started treating people like software — the moment there’s a glitch or the excitement wears off, we think the “product” is broken and we look for an upgrade. We want the “Golden Years” of a relationship without the years of patience it takes to grow them.
The Heart’s Exchange
In life, nothing truly meaningful is free. Love isn’t just a feeling that lands on you; it is a constant exchange.
For every bit of deep, lasting connection you gain, something must be given or taken. Usually, what we have to give up is our “blanket” that ego and pride we wrap ourselves in to feel safe. To truly love someone including yourself or even to stay open to the possibility of love you have to trade that safety for the risk of being truly seen, flaws and all.
The outcome of this exchange is empathy. It’s the bridge that closes the gap between “me” and “you.” When you realize the person next to you is carrying their own unique weight, their own silent battles and history, you stop looking for a “perfect partner” and start looking for a soul to walk beside.
For Those Still in the Winds
To the ones longing, the ones who have lost, and the ones still waiting: your current chapter isn’t empty. It’s the time where you are becoming who you need to be.
For the Longing: You are feeling the weight of the exchange before the reward has arrived. Use this time to find peace within yourself. If you aren’t whole in the quiet moments, a relationship won’t fix the noise.
For the Lost: The ache you feel is the proof that you were brave enough to give a piece of yourself away. That isn’t a defeat; it’s a badge of honor. You survived the exchange.
For the Waiting: Love isn’t a destination you stumble upon; it’s a garden you prepare for. My own path took me through years of vagrancy before it led me back to her. The kindness and intent you carry today is the soil you’ll plant in tomorrow.
The life you build is only as beautiful as the heart you put into it. If you’re waiting for a “vibe” to save you, you’ll be waiting forever. But if you’re willing to do the quiet work of empathy — to see the humanity in everyone you meet you’re already living a life full of love!
“though I don’t know you, know you are loved!”
